Day 18: Death is Only a Door

Hmmmm… So today was pretty hard, but before I get into that I’d like to say I had an amazing day! Last night I spoke/hang out with a guy staying at my hosts house for the night. He is a very talented musician, and very sweet, we stayed up until 1am! It was nice to talk to someone about the intensive, and have them be so interested in what you’re doing! Of course, all my hosts have been very excited for my experience, they’ve all been amazing. My host now has a new song every morning for me to feel inspired so I could have a good dance day, it’s very kind. I was a bit sad that the guy staying the night had to leave in the morning..

I woke up, had breakfast, showered, and went straight to the studio; much earlier since: it’s the early day, and the water pipe had busted so no water in the fountains (I had to go buy a bottle next door at the Target). When I got inside, I began to warm up, but there wasn’t enough time for that. Terry was supposed to teach class, but we had Meredith instead for ballet.

We started ballet at 9am, and it was a great class. I say that a lot, but I always mean it! I love her classes, I always see myself improving! I got to wear my NEW FLESH BALLET SHOES today! They were a bit smaller, so they fit my feet exactly and my friend Alicia showed me how to be lazy and tie the strings around rather than sow them on! Fantastic! Having better fitting and looking shoes makes a HUGE difference in the way you dance. I was more focused and I felt as though I did much better. Towards the end of class, Glenn came in to watch us go across the floor in our grand allegro. I always feel more pressure to do well when he’s around, and so I do! I think I did much better today, but this class wore me out! One hour and forty five minutes.

Next was Pilates with Kym. Her class was very killer, no joke. We did the ab series, which I do every morning and/or evening, but we repeated them from 5-4-3-2-1 times each…. Which means we did each segment 15 times. It was so hard! The rest of the class was also difficult, but in the end I felt much stronger. I enjoy Pilates, after its done of course, since it is very painful. One hour.

Yoga was amazing today. We had to wear blindfolds and earplugs in our practice today.. SO HARD, but very enlightening and empowering. Helen is definitely my most favorite yoga instructor ever. She is just very amazing inside and out, and has pushed us all far beyond our limits. I dedicated my practice to my ex, wishing them happiness, and to an ability to forgive and forget. I plan on moving on because living in pain is not fun, nor is it worth it. I shouldn’t suffer if I don’t have to, and in this case, suffering does nothing for me. I will be strong, even if it is hard.
I’m in the blue blindfold and red shorts! One hour.

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Lunch. Took Helen’s advice and had moments of peace and quiet. It was nice.

Horton with miss Linda seemed as though it was going to be a slow painful day, since we were exhausted and had just eaten. We rolled into class, beaten up, and not wanting to move much, so here’s what she did: she gave us a floor barre warm up! It made me think of Doris (CSUDH dept of dance director), it was the exact same exercises, but I hadn’t done them in so long that it hurt! But it was nice and invigorating. Afterwards we did the real stuff. We traded in a nice warm up for a relaxed body while doing Horton. We ended with a very fun, high energy phrase. Miss Linda gives the best Horton classes.. I love doing table top turns and figure four turns.. So fun! One hour and forty five minutes.

Lastly we ended with Meredith who reviewed with us ALL that we learned from Little Mortal Jump, which is my favorite rep. I was able to get more into my body and use my emotions through my movement (not to be confused with giving ‘face’). I hope I get to do this rep for the showcase! One hour.

We ended up staying to work on our creation, which we did. One extra hour.

I stretched and got another mini private with the amazing Diana 🙂 When I got home, the guy that was supposed to leave ended up staying until 9pm, which was great! He even gave me half of his food, which is so nice after a long day. He will be here in Chicago for a few more days before he moves to California, so I invited him out this weekend for a movie or something. It’ll be nice to get to know more about his creative process, since I enjoy his original music works.

Today, I was in control of my life, my body, my destiny, and my future. Although you can’t repair a broken heart so easily, you can prevent it from stopping your life. Everyone I care for gave up so much to have me be here, and I will make the most of EVERY minute. I still hurt, obviously, but I will find ways to let go of the pain and be stronger… Wishing them all the best in the world and all that I couldn’t give them.

Every ending is a new beginning. Or as its said in Cloud Atlas, Death is only a door.

Ruben

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